Arf is Resistance

Above: Kevin contemplates his upcoming competition.

Bobbi Jo Hunter is taking a calculated risk at this year's most anticipated creative dog grooming contest, Proof Pawsitive. The professional pet groomer from Pineville, KY has decided to forgo the whimsical, trendy designs typical of the sport and give the judges something to chew on instead.
"I wanted to make a statement," Bobbi said, "so I'm using the Art is Resistance logo. I love Nine Inch Nails and so does my standard poodle, Kevin. He was just a pup when Year Zero came out; it's been a huge influence in his life."
Ms. Hunter remarked that Kevin has always been a nonconformist who chooses to express his societal discontent through nonviolent means. She said that the poodle "doesn't like to be fenced in," preferring off-leash dog parks to the confines of his backyard. Furthermore, Bobbi claims that Kevin abhors big business and supports going green. She cited his refusal to eat from a dog food dish that was purchased at Wal-Mart and his selective urination as examples.
"When I take Kevin for a walk, he pees on every car in the neighborhood except the Andersons'. They drive a Prius."
Bobbi's only concern regarding her concept is the relatively low degree of difficulty. She hopes that the judges will prefer substance over fluff.
"Sure, I could have gone with a more popular theme, like Lady Gaga or Twilight, but I couldn't do that to Kevin. That would have been a major bone of contention."
The DCP wishes Bobbi and Kevin the best of luck as they embark on their creative grooming adventure.

Feeling Blue?

Help may be available soon for people suffering from a debilitating condition called Post Avatar Depression. Avaloft, an antidepressant developed exclusively to treat PAD, is pending FDA approval. Mitch Phillips, a representative from CamLab Solutions, Inc., is eager for the clinical trials to be completed.
"The release of Avaloft is paramount, and rightfully so. People don't realize how prevalent PAD is. Approximately 3 out of 10 people who watch Avatar leave the theater feeling deeply depressed because they are trapped on this shithole of a planet."
The active ingredient in Avaloft is a revolutionary drug called pandroxaline. According to Phillips, what distinguishes pandroxaline from existing antidepressants is the way it targets neurotransmitters in the brain.
"Pandroxaline is a biochemical masterpiece," he said. "It's like the Unobtainium of pharmaceuticals."
When asked if any potential side effects have emerged thus far from the safety and efficacy data, Phillips assured me that the benefits of taking Avaloft far outweigh the risks.*
"As with any drug, there's always a chance of developing complications. However, this pales in comparison to the effects of living in an ecosystem that's been ravaged by humanity."
It's clear that Avaloft could provide relief to those who struggle to cope with their earthly existences. If you're feeling blue, talk to your doctor. Find out if Avaloft is right for you.**

*Common side effects may include but are not limited to: confusion, yellowing of the irises, bouts of heroic behavior, numbness of the legs, difficulty breathing, an uncontrollable urge to hunt aerially, wariness of people and an exaggerated appreciation of nature. Call your doctor if you experience sudden growth spurts, a bluish discoloration of the skin and mucous membranes, or gunshot wounds that refuse to heal despite tribal rituals, as these may be signs of a life threatening reaction.

**This paragraph sponsored by CamLab Solutions, Inc.